Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
