Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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