We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
