If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
