Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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