Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
