hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize