I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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