he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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