I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
