So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
