last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
