I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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