I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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