I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
