Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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