Your tits are I can't wait for
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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