tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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