lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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