kristin has been a bad kristin
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
