I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
