I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
