What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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