honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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