at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How external is "for external use only"?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
