Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
