hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Nicole vs. Life
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
