I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
