I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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