I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
