I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
