Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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