im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
