We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
