dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
