I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
