I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
