and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
