i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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