Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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