Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
