last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize