Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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