i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
