Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
