just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
