twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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