I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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