You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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