She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize