btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
