Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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