I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
