I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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