got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
