woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
