I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
