I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
