living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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