Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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