I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
