i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
