You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
