So drunk its hurt
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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