how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
