He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize