around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
