Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
