Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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