The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
