just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
