It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
