You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
