By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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