This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
