i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
