Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
