using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This toilet bowl is my home.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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