I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
