I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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