The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
try to milk me bitch
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