you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize